What I Mean When I Say Traumatic Grief
Grief is hard. Period. Even the losses we saw coming can change our world. But when trauma is part of that loss, many people experience what I call traumatic grief — grief shaped by the shock, violence, stigma, or complexity surrounding the death.
When Grief Becomes Traumatic
Traumatic grief often follows deaths that are sudden, violent, or stigmatized, for example: suicide, homicide, overdose, accidents, mass-casualty events, or unexpected medical crises. Researchers sometimes call this traumatic bereavement, and studies have shown that sudden or violent deaths are associated with more difficult adjustment over time (Stroebe et al., 2020; Burke & Neimeyer, 2013).
Traumatic grief can also occur when the relationship was complicated, when there was prior trauma, or when the death of a child overwhelms the nervous system even if it was anticipated. None of this means you’re doing grief “wrong.” It means trauma and grief are colliding.
How It Shows Up (Mind + Body)
People navigating traumatic grief may notice nightmares, intrusive memories or flashbacks, anxiety, emotional numbness, and avoidance connected to their loved one or reminders of the loss. These reactions reflect how trauma engages the body’s alarm system alongside the pain of grief. Research has shown that post-traumatic stress and traumatic or “complicated” grief frequently overlap (Simon et al., 2007; Shear, 2015).
Your body may speak a lot about grief, too. Trembling or shakiness, muscle weakness, nausea or appetite changes, dry mouth, sleep problems, and even difficulty breathing are commonly reported after traumatic loss. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA, 2014) lists these as common physical reactions to trauma, and they often show up in the context of grief as well.
Compassionate reminder: these are normal reactions to an abnormal situation. Your brain and body are trying to protect you.
Why Naming It Matters
Words give shape to experience. Naming traumatic grief can:
Validate that what you’re feeling is not “just grief” or a personal failing.
Guide helpers (family, community, clinicians) to respond in trauma-informed ways.
Reduce isolation by connecting with people who share similar experiences.
Research consistently shows that social support is one of the strongest protective factors against prolonged distress after traumatic loss (Burke & Neimeyer, 2013; Currier et al., 2006).
A Note on Prolonged Grief Disorder
In recent years, you may have also heard the term Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD), which was added to the DSM-5-TR and the ICD-11. PGD describes grief that remains persistent and impairing long after the death (for adults, at least 12 months). It includes symptoms like intense yearning or preoccupation nearly every day for at least the past month.
It’s important to know that this diagnosis applies to a smaller subset of mourners. I use traumatic grief as a descriptive, validating term, not a diagnosis. For many, naming their experience as traumatic grief is enough to bring relief, validation, and connection.
If This Resonates
You are not alone. It’s common to feel on edge, deeply sad, angry, numb, or far from yourself after a traumatic loss. Naming it doesn’t “fix” it, but it does remind you that your reactions are human. Your grief deserves compassion, honesty, and care that honors both the trauma and the love you carry.
Stay Connected
For grievers and the professionals who walk beside them: I share trauma-informed resources, reflections, and education on living with loss. If you’d like ongoing support, you can subscribe for new posts and free tools like my Grief Journal Starter Kit.
📚 References
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.).
Burke, L. A., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2013). Prospective risk factors for complicated grief: A review of the empirical literature. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 18(2), 127–153.
Currier, J. M., Holland, J. M., & Neimeyer, R. A. (2006). Sense-making, grief, and the experience of violent loss: Toward a mediational model. Death Studies, 30(5), 403–428.
SAMHSA. (2014). SAMHSA’s Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach.
Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief. New England Journal of Medicine, 372, 153–160.
Simon, N. M., Shear, K. M., Thompson, E. H., et al. (2007). The prevalence and correlates of psychiatric comorbidity in individuals with complicated grief. Comprehensive Psychiatry, 48(5), 395–399.
Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2020). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370(9603), 1960–1973.
World Health Organization. (2019). International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision (ICD-11).
